Land of my Father - a book is born

Land of my Father - Caroline fraser

I find the act of creativity hard to fathom.

Months go by in a doldrum state where nothing feels right and I am uninspired by what I make, and then, little by little, things turn around and something emerges from the mayhem.

My current project is a very personal one about the death of my father. It happened upon me in a rather roundabout way. My father died when I was a child, and for a long time I have tried to put this in the past and move on.

In 2014 I popped up to Scotland for my annual pilgrimage. I like to get there once a year for a dose of mountains , landscape and photography. I spent a week alone in Ardnamurchan and Glencoe.

It rained.

It poured.

Roads were flooded and inaccessible.

I ended up sheltering in a church taking photographs of rain dripping onto the floor of the interior.

I found my mood darkening and my images along with it.

Monochome was the order of the day.

Images taken through a wet car window predominated.

Norman Ackroyd my source of inspiration.

Image from Land of my Father © Caroline Fraser

Image from Land of my Father © Caroline Fraser

When I came home I felt flat and unhappy with what I had produced. I closed the folder and left it unedited for some time.

And then, from nowhere, came some words.

I find that words ‘come’ about once every 2 years. I sit, the words emerge, and then it is all over.

This poem was an expression of my experience of my father’s death when I was eight years old.

Intensely personal.

I decided to make a small book. I realised that the images made in Scotland the previous autumn were entirely appropriate to accompany the poem. They represented my need to keep returning to Scotland…… the  ‘Land of my Father’. The title was born and I quickly made a small book using Lightroom book module. Within lightroom it is easy to edit images and add text and then export directly to Blurb. I then felt able to create a selected body of images for my website under the same title.

Land of my Father

Some were created using a tilt-shift lens, and others using multiple exposure. Images that accompany the text may not work as stand alone images, but I felt that they worked together in the context of the poem.

eg; my sister 6, my brother 3

Image from Land of my Father © Caroline Fraser

Choosing the format of the book and typeface is always a challenge. I decided on a small square paperback with Adobe Garamond text, for a traditional look.

The little paperback volume arrived from Blurb, and while I was reasonably happy with it, I felt that I could do better. I wanted it to be something really special.

I decided to go for a hand bound edition.

I enlisted the help of Eddie Ephraums from Envisage Books, and so began a whole new process, involving the selection of paper type, cover materials and format, shape, font, size, and then the difficult decision of how many to print.

What sort of book should it be?

Hardback or soft back?

Square or rectangular?

Large or small?

Perfect bound or saddle stitch? Side stitched or concertina folded?

The only way to answer these questions is to look at lots of books and images on the web until you get an idea of what sort of book you feel is right for you.

 I wanted this book to have a Japanese style binding that shows the thread on the cover, and allows for a bit of colour and a feeling of a handcrafted object.

Next we tested different paper types for the images. Smooth or textured? White or creamy? What weight of paper?

Choosing cover colours and thread colours was possibly the hardest part. The images are toned monochrome, so the cover had to complement them.

So much rests on first impressions of a book. How many books have you not looked at because you didn’t like the cover? Almost all of the novels that I have read in the last year have turquoise covers. I had to steer myself away from turquoise as it seems to have taken hold as the common choice for getting a book into someone’s hand. I opted for a pale grey.

 Looking at threads I was keen for some bright colour. Orange was my choice. The words inside the book reference the bright colours at home disguising the sombre mood.

And so, having made all these difficult decisions we finalised the InDesign document in preparation for print.

As this was to be a hand sewn book, I limited this first edition to fifty copies, each to be signed and numbered.

The pages and cover were printed and trimmed to size by a commercial printer. Watching the printer in action was a very special moment after weeks and months of planning.

We used a small hand press to stamp the title onto the book sleeve and presentation box. Foils help to lift the lettering and allow it to catch the light.

Finally the pages were ready for sewing.

The thread is hand waxed using beeswax, and the sewing begins. It is a painstaking process, and at least one book is now bloodstained for ever. I chose a very simple Japanese binding, with double thread.

The end result leaves me with a feeling of resolution.

A tribute to my father that I am proud of.

The book is available from my website www.carolinefraser.com 

embossed box for book with print

This is an edited version of an article written for On Landscape Magazine Issue 138

In which my other half gets a new name, and I discover the abstract art of Agnes Martin at the Tate Modern

It is confirmed.

There will be a return to New Zealand this year.

Life is good.


Next winter will become summer, and short days will become long.


All I have to do now is find a flight around the world that takes in eldest child in Vancouver, followed by South Island, New Zealand for work and photography, on to Canberra to visit photography friends, Perth for a meet-up with my other half (OH), who happens to have business to do there, and then home again.

Simple.

OH is temporarily renamed as FG ( flight guru). For it seems that he knows about flights more than those people that spend all day booking flights for people as a day job. This is a man who knows the leg length of all seats on all planes, which is the best seat to sit in, and even knows what type of plane he is on when he is on it...

As for myself, I can only tell you about the colour of the cones on the runway.

Enough said. He has been very helpful, and I am sure eventually the perfect scenario will present itself.

He has been so helpful that I might have to offer him a premium upgrade to a more appropriate term such as DB (dearly beloved). If he offers me some of his air miles, then its a done deal.



I popped up to London last week to see the Sonia Delauney exhibition at the Tate Modern.

But when I got there I got side tracked by a small poster for an exhibition by Agnes martin.

A painting.

Very geometric, simple and, to my eye, beautiful.

Agnes Martin

Friendship 1963

incised gold leaf and gesso on canvas

Museum of Modern Art, New York

So I changed my plan, and visited the Agnes Martin exhibition after a short sojourn admiring the afternoon light in the turbine hall.

turbine hall © caroline fraser

I am going to have a little moan about the policy of 'no photographs' in some art and photography exhibitions.

Photography is not allowed in the Agnes Martin Exhibition.

I decided to be obedient.

And felt faintly irritated as I watched others boldly taking photographs in the normal way that people always do in exhibitions where photography is not allowed.

between the artworks at the Tate Modern

So I cannot give you a sense of the size and impact of the large gold leaf covered canvas. Or the simplicity of the hanging in the light filled rooms. Ethereal in places.

Words don't do the job.

I am, however, allowed to share this video about her abstract paintings.

Agnes talks about her abstract work developing over 20 years, and in a film showing at the exhibition says of her abstract technique  ' it took 20 years.... every day I moved closer....'

She worked until she died at the age of 94. It was poignant to see her last big painting, with a lack of the precision of previous works; paint dripping down the canvas.

You can read more about her here

Agnes Martin
On A Clear Day, 1973

She talks about 'innocent moments' in which she stops thinking and stops responding. 'Innocent cells on a grid'.


She has commented in the past about her work;

'Its not about facts, its about feelings. It's about remembering feelings and happiness. A definition of art is that it makes concrete our most subtle emotions. I think the highest form of art is music. It is the most abstract of all art expression'


and

'I hope I have made it clear that the work is about perfection as we are aware of it in our minds but that the paintings are very far from being perfect — completely removed in fact — even as we ourselves are'.

In the absence of any photographs I made do with a couple of postcards.

postcards 

And made my way home.

indulging my obsession with hazard warnings and the like on the way

Sometimes I feel that my images need more content. More of a narrative. More people even.


Having been to see Agnes Martin at the Tate, and reading a bit about her work processes, I  feel it is OK to carry on doing whatever feels right on the day.

Some days are definitely more abstract than others.

“Beauty is in the mind, not the eye.”

(Agnes Martin)

Looking for the magic

Alentejo; a little field therapy at the end of a 6 day hike

Too much happening.

back from my holiday walking in Alentejo, south-west Portugal

back to reality

no time to write

not enough sleep

big changes

scary and exciting

stepping out of my comfort zone big time.......................

looking for the magic.




What is she rabbiting on about I hear you say. Has she lost her marbles? Should she seek help?

Probably.


In order of importance here is what has happened since I last wrote

'Being alive' went live. Many good friends made their way on a Sunday evening to support me in my biggest venture yet; a solo show at St Julian's private members club in Sevenoaks.

This was my first attempt at hanging on wires. Not as easy as it looks. The first one took 2 people ( me and my trusty helper) 30 minutes, and after 18 more I think we just about  had it cracked. Getting them level is tricky. Taking them down will be blissfully easy.

Making labels and a price list seemed to take more time than could possibly be justified. Just when I thought I had it looking good I showed my beautifully mounted personal statement and price list to my other half, and he clearly didn't understand the terminology regarding limited edition prints. Back to the drawing board, tail between my legs, and started all over............

Anyway, here are some of my latest images of ice and water from Iceland, proudly lined up on one wall in the lovely dining room at St Julian's.

Iceland series © Caroline Fraser 2013

I would show you some pictures of me in front of my first sale with red dot proudly displayed, but my other half didn't get a single one in focus, and I'm not going to show you one of me looking blurred and half deranged.

So here is one of me, taken by my youngest, greeting my very first guests before it all got very busy and I had to answer lots of questions that I hadn't prepared for, such as 'is that a whale in the picture?'  (of an ice crystal), or 'what exactly is a C-type print?' . I was really not ready for that one!

Shame on me.

So, the show is up, and I can breathe again.

Next on the list


I gave notice to take early retirement at work.

Now that is quite a big one. Something that has been creeping up on me slowly but surely over the last few months. I intend to work to live instead of live to work.

So today I have been practising for being much less well off.........

I didn't buy the new shoes that I tried on in the shop.

I walked to the shops instead of taking the car and paying for the privilege.

I went for a swim but didn't have anything to eat afterwards in the cafe.

I also did some gardening, and OH and I were delighted when we managed to sharpen and tighten the blades on the edge trimmers that haven't worked for the last 8 years and now they are good as new and we don't have to buy new ones.

Previously I have resorted to using the kitchen scissors to trim the edges of the grass.


I have talked to a really nice guy in New Zealand about going there to work next year.

So now you know all my secrets. The future beckons. It looks bright and exciting. My dreams of the last 2 years are becoming reality.

This one has been the hardest. OH didn't really believe that I was serious about this for the first 2 years of suggesting that I would really like to go back to NZ to work and do some serious photography. So I went about telling everyone except OH that this was what I wanted to do, and gradually it became reality, because no-one said 'you can't do that'. 

They all said 'that sounds exciting!'

And little by little I began to believe that it was possible, and everyone started asking me how my plans were going, and little by little OH realised that this was for real.

Which it is.

So I will keep you updated on my progress.


I watched a talk this week entitled 'Happiness - 8 principles for successful optimists' by Mark Stevenson


2013/01 Happiness - Mark Stevenson from CreativeMornings/London on Vimeo.

It makes very interesting viewing and is immensely thought provoking,  although it takes 40 minutes. 

But if you lie in bed to watch it, as I did, the morning after my show opened, it really takes very little effort.

The most impactful slide that he shows about successful optimists and the pursuit of happiness was something like this;

It really resonates with where I am right now.


Looking for the magic.

The Secret Garden . A poem and some photographs.

The Secret Garden notebook by Caroline Fraser

Dog has terminal disease. Every day with her now feels precious.

I am releasing my notebook 'The Secret Garden' in advance of the dreaded day so as not to appear morbid, as the poem is about our secret place in the woods.

Walking in the woods with dog has kept me alive. I thank her for that.

 Anyone who has read 'The Secret garden' by Frances Hodgson Burnett will understand these sentiments.

You can take a peek inside here......

The Secret Garden by Caroline Fraser |

Camber Sands deconstructed. Working with multiple exposures

the sea at camber sands on a cold february day

I have a new camera that allows me to make in-camera multiple exposures. Trying to make something worthwhile is my next challenge. I had a play with it at Camber Sands this weekend in the late afternoon as the sun was nearing the horizon.

There are four different settings for making the exposures, all with very different outcomes.

The most interesting results are not the 'additive' or 'averaging' settings , but those where the camera responds to light and dark contrasting areas in the different layers; the 'dark' and 'bright' settings.

beach house using the 'dark' setting

same house using the 'bright' setting

I enjoy both of the above effects.

The challenge lies in knowing which to use on each subject; too many bright areas on top of each other leave a washed out over-exposed image. I haven't yet worked this out. Not seeing the images under construction allows for a lot of experimentation, not all of which works.

I am quite excited about the potential of this, but so far my architectural images seem more interesting.  Multiple layers of the sea have a much more subtle effect because of the lack of structure.

the sea using 5 layered images on 'bright' setting

The potential for surreal effects gets greater when you try changing the camera angle between shots. I didn't notice the sea gulls in this photograph until I uploaded it.

gulls in flight. 'dark' setting multiple exposure

I am not sure where all of this will lead, but I had a lot of fun on a cold February afternoon.

Greeting cards of Camber Sands on my new website

Greeting cards of Camber Sands © Caroline Fraser 2012

I am delighted to announce my new look website courtesy of isendyouthis who have been great in helping me to transfer my existing domain name to a new site, saving me the trouble of updating my business cards and other web links.

It is much easier to manage than my old one, and will allow me to promote my photographic prints and greeting cards more easily.

See the new site here.

bigger is better..............going global.......in Tokyo

Hebridean series by Caroline Fraser on show in Tokyo

It is somewhat exciting to be able to show the image above; my Hebridean series of impressionistic seascapes on show in a smart gallery in Tokyo courtesy of Subject Matter who promote my work on permalure . Seeing these works printed to such a scale confirms my already held view that bigger is usually better when it comes to looking at photographic landscapes.

If you are wondering which one in the picture is me, the answer is neither...............I  am sadly not in Tokyo but trucking on with my 'ordinary'  life in south east London. Still..... this event feels far from ordinary, so big thanks to Jon and Liezel at Subject Matter for putting on such a good show.

I must now return to the ironing................  joy of my life whilst I ponder why this blog suddenly got hundreds of hits yesterday for no clear reason.

Pillow talk and Equivalents; Stieglitz and clouds

I have just been introduced to Alfred Stieglitz's  'Equivalents'; a series created when his mother was dying, with the intention of showing that it was not , as had been suggested, the hypnotic power of Stieglitz over his sitters that created the power within his photography. By photographing clouds, over which he had no control and which are free to be experienced by anyone, he hoped to disprove this theory. I described one of my images of chaos in the woods as self expression. A friend repsonded with a mention of Steiglitz and his series of clouds.

Abstract cloud photographs were created with the described intention of allowing the viewer to experience the equivalent emotion to that which the photographer experienced.

What emotions does the image below convey? And how can I know what effect it will have on different viewers. The idea that the viewer will experience the same emotion as mine is not something that I would ever have considered to be likely.

bed © caroline fraser 2012

I know that I felt angry about this discarded mattress, and a desire to express my feelings about the littering of my favourite place; but what makes an image powerful enough to create equivalent emotions in the viewer? Surely it depends on who we are and what we believe.

And why didn't I feel the angry about the abandoned pillow that I described in an earlier post?

the abandoned pillow story

I followed the changes to a pillow left in the undergrowth. It remained there for several weeks just off the path where I walk dog. Through rain and snow it lay undisturbed, and then one day, just as quickly as it came, it was gone.

 I am fairly sure that the kind people who do litter picking will have removed it to a more appropriate place, but in a way I have missed it and the chance to consider why it lay where it did. Nestling in the ivy it had a certain beauty of its own. Despite my indignance that someone would abandon it in the woods, I came to enjoy the flights of fancy that it triggered as I trod through the mud. I was unable to feel anger, only thoughts about what words I might use to describe it's presence ....

a place to rest © caroline fraser 2012

Pillow talk




If I were to rest,


here,


in these woods,


my head on
cool cotton 
polka dot
remains of another's life


What dreams would ensue?
Would I dream differently?
What would I become?


Who would I be?


























It seems to me that it is unlikely that another passer by will experience an equivalent emotion on viewing this image of the pillow. Does that make the image less worthy? The untold story remains untold; we can only create our own stories from what we see.

back to chaos and expressing feelings

"I had a very cold walk and enjoyed the ice crystals" © caroline fraser 2012

sometimes a photo just represents a good time......

is an expression of mood,

and how a sunny blue sky and a very cold morning can make one feel.

there is no hidden meaning

at all

ice crystals

 stream

nature's chaos

cold

Camber sands ; using the Hipstamatic to capture a timeless resort

camber sands, mid october, a photo by Caroline Fraser on Flickr.

As a good friend has been known to say "It doesn't get any better than this". Walking on Camber Sands this weekend under clear blue skies at low tide has been a joy.

I have been experimenting with the  Hipstamatic app , and considering which combinations of film and lens work best.

I don't have an answer yet; it seems to depend very much on the subject matter. can i get back to you on this one; I strongly suspect that someone else has already done the work on this and  made a U-tube video too.

Donuts © Caroline Fraser 2011

I have not yet got over my recent need to include overhead cables in my photos; it seems that landscape photographers take great pains to remove them. My other half doesn't even see them. I am therefore determined to raise awareness of them. I was surprised to learn on "Have I got News for You" this week that there is a society called the telegraph appreciation society. They even have a "telegraph pole of the month" competition ..................... hopefully I will resist the temptation to enter this, as it is unlikely to progress my photography, and goodness knows what sort of individuals I would be mixing with.

Starlings and cables © Caroline Fraser 2011

What I like about Camber is its timeless quality; the attractions of the beach and Pontins don't seem to change from year to year, and I can feel a series coming on that shows the village in a picture postcard style that I feel the Hipstamattic effect may well suit.

Flags abound in the shops and on the beach. Even the front gardens sport them.

Camber village © Caroline Fraser 2011

Enough of this nonsense...................a glass of wine beckons, and  I have to start preparing for Open Studios at The School Creative Centre, Rye................I hope to see you there!